"Give me a call sometime...."

Cultural lesson - refresher course.

In year four it is hard for me to remember to write about some of the cultural differences that I know fascinate so many readers.  I think this is simply because we've somewhat normalized to the experiences.  Where once we were wide-eyed and observant, now our eyes are desensitized and I hardly think something is "interesting" enough to write about.  (For those interested in lots of those types of posts, go back to 2008s writings, during our first year.)

Saturday, after the big performance detailed in my last post, we stopped at the huge "pseudo-western food" market that is about one hour from home for our monthly haul.  This time, unlike the usual routine, we had all the kids along for the costco-like shopping adventure.

It is sort of like a parade for us anytime we go out anywhere.  As we walk through the aisles, the people part, some smiling and making loud-comments (generally positive), all mouths agape.  In a country where one-child families are the norm, we confound the average citizen who finds themselves viewing our simple shopping trip.  Sometimes audible gasps are part of the drill on the parade route shopping aisle.  We sometimes get moments with very loud, aggressive people who demand that we answer for ourselves.  (Why are there so many people in this family?  Is this a family?  What are you doing with these children?)  Then while pinching the children's arms to check for adequate "meat" that might testify to the level of their care, pressing the kids for answers.  (Where are your real parents?  Are you American or Chinese?  Do you like your parents?  How is it that you speak two languages?)  Of course there a many folks to smile and give a thumbs-up to us, but every time we go out, the above example transpires.

With two carts full of kids and products, we pushed out the door into the blast furnace of a near-summer day.  The driver we'd hired for the day (driving the "short" yellow-school bus from the school), helps us press into the small van, wedging number 5 cans of edibles and a five kilogram block of cheddar cheese past  already-sweaty little bodies (big bodies as well.)

We begin the trip home. Through the over-populated streets of renegade drivers who will drive their cars anywhere they see fit (sidewalks and one way streets, of course), heads and bodies rocking from uneven pavement that threatens to swallow our van, we make our one hour drive home.

All the while the clock is ticking on the the most beloved part of our day...nap time.

I develop a nervous tick contemplating going without naps, Daddy presses forward in his chair, willing the van to move through time and space more quickly.  The children, flush-faced and glassy-eyed threaten to succumb at any moment to that most undesirable of situations...the "car nap."  (Since we are only in a car/bus once a week, sometimes less than that, the motion of the vehicle is a powerful sleeping agent influencing the seven smallest ones...who risk drifting off and sending our day into a tailspin.) Yes, when you're parenting seven kids eight years of age and under...missing nap time is sort of like a miniature apocalypse for the parental unit.

We get loud to stymie the sleepiness.  Daddy, who HATES loud car trips, agrees that it is our only recourse.  We must use any means necessary to preserve nap time, for ALL of us, under the gentle breeze of the fans that cool us.  Car songs, tickling, car games, reciting of Shakespeare... we use it all.  Just as car-sickness now threatens to overtake a few of the H family members, we arrive at our apartment building.

I feel simply victorious!  Nap time is SAVED!

After lugging the enormous bags of goods to our eighth floor abode, like a drill-sergeant I order the kids to go to the potty, wash up, and GET INTO THEIR BEDS!  Against my better judgement and denying the crisis-situation of the state of the apartment, I appease myself that after the nap we'll get everyone up to clear the breakfast dishes, remove the lego-mines from the floors, and clear off sitting spaces in the main parts of the apartment. I will not be denied the thirty-minute siesta!

Everyone down in the bunks, some threats uttered to ensure compliance, Daddy and I rest our weary backs and necks in the bed..in hopes of a long summer's nap.  When out in the dining room there arose such a clatter, The Bug burst in our room to proclaim what was the matter.  When what to our wondering eyes should appear, but two unexpected guests arms full of apples, watermelons, and pears!

AHHHHHHH....cultural lesson-refresher course....here, no one need 'make a date' to visit you...come for a visit whenever, as long as you bring a nice gift.  To say that these two were unexpected really doesn't adequately communicate how unexpected they were.  The woman of the husband/wife matching set was a person we'd met the weekend before on our countryside trip.  (A seven-hour bus trip into the countryside to visit a project.)  She had gotten on the bus with us to travel back home and she mentioned that she'd like to "pay us a visit sometime."  (If I had a nickel for the number of times passerbys say this to me, I'd be wealthy indeed!)  I didn't know her name or ANYTHING about her at all.

I don't know what feeling rocked my consciousness with the greatest vengeance...the loathsome feeling that I was going to miss my sweet victorious nap...or the shame that the apartment's state was completely unacceptable for "drop-ins"...but my adrenaline kicked in and within eight minutes we had the apartment a bit more tidy and I was making the traditional preparations of tea, watermelon seeds, peanuts, and sliced watermelon.

I would like to report that my attitude about the visit was uniformly correct (we are, after all, here to be in relationship with others), but I cannot do so.  Perhaps it was my lust for that nap, but I kept thinking over and over again..."hey strangers, couldn't you have called first?"  But here, when you say, "give me a call sometime"...I've finally realized, myself a somewhat slow-learner, that it doesn't mean the same thing that it did in the West.

In the West, "give me a call sometime" is a polite, response that could be interpreted many ways on the spectrum of lukewarm to hot...but it always allows both parties CONTROL over future communications.  In no way would any westerner expect that such an exchange would invite a drop-in, totally unannounced expectation that you would now suspend whatever plans you had an "visit" for awhile.  That just wouldn't be polite (now would it mother?)

But I think that here when you say something like "give me a call sometime" it is the green-light, perhaps a very enthusiastic one at that, that you want to have a relationship with the person in the exchange.  Since other interpersonal interactions can consist of being shouted at, pinched, and probed with various "personal" questions while simply shopping for cheese, it makes sense that "give me a call sometimes" means that you are taking your relationship to a significant, next level!

When someone here says, "I'd like to visit you sometime," they really mean it.  Not like in the West where you exchange comments like this with little expectation that it would really HAPPEN. (We are so busy in our lives right?  Little time for sitting around chatting!)

Furthermore, coming from the West, I feel that I should always answer such attempts at connecting further in the affirmative.  When someone says "I'd like to visit you sometime" and my response feels like it MUST be "Okay, sure, give me a call sometime"  my subtext of course being "Give me a call and I'll decide at a less awkward moment if I really do want to 'visit' with you."

So these people came to our home on Saturday afternoon.  They stayed for forty-five minutes or so.  Then they left.  I'm not really sure WHY they came, other than the circus/acrobats are not performing in town right now and they hoped for an impromptu entertaining afternoon with the big, crazy family?  I suppose will know more about their real interest after several more unannounced visits...when it would be culturally appropriate to tell us what they're really interested in from us, because it would be horribly rude to just come out with it before building a relationship first....but that's another cultural less altogether.

Our guests

Our snacks

Yes, that is THREE boxes of fruit! No local friend would ever come to your home empty-handed, because that would be terribly RUDE (listen up, all you Westerners that used to just come by after we made an appointment for a visit without some sort of gift to give me!) 

Oh yeah...now I remember...cultural differences are just that...differences.  We've come to appreciate so many wonderful cultural differences here that we prefer over our old western ways.  And, if I wanted to live in a place where "give me a call sometime" meant the same thing to me as to someone else...I'll have to move.  I'm the one who must adapt in this situation.

I needed that refresher course in this area because I LIVE here (I'm not just visiting) and 'control of one's schedule'...is as impossible as a 'quick' trip to the grocery store.

Singing at the Yangtze

I have been derelict in my duties of posting here.  If you look for news here often, you might also like to have our monthly newsletter mailed to you directly, send me an email to the address:  thehplace@hotmail.com to get on the mailing list.

Just a quick moment tonight to post photos and a quick video of The Bug's and Brownie's big performances from this weekend's Children's Day celebration.  The stage was set in an enormous park near the historic river near our home.  The girls performed a song of the river that is considered an important traditional folk song of the province where we live.  I performed the same song the Chinese New Year celebrations this year.  How fun it was for us to pile into a van and to go watch The Bug in her first really (really) big public solo and Brownie dancing with such happiness and skill!

Some photos and then the video.

Below: The performers from our school

Below:  The Bug before going on stage

Below:  Brownie, in her costume

Below:  Brownie's classmates and fellow dancers

Below:  Sorry for the poor sound quality and image quality...the little camera cuts off sound when you zoom in or out...

But, you'll get the idea anyway...

More traipsing in Spring

Another day to "allow the beauty of nature arouse the students' senses and motivate learning" - according to the translation sent home to parents explaining today's Elementary field trip.

Bummer of today was the 80% of the Botanical gardens were now bloomed out.  A big storm the day before we arrived, had a detrimental impact on many of the blooming varieties.  But we were treated to some spectacular azaleas that made us a little homesick. 

Below:  The 2nd Grade class of Brownie and Potato, Momma was one of the chaperons for this wild group.

Below:  Potato, and aspiring photographer it would seem, snapped this photo of a peony, still in bloom.

Above:  Some variety of iris?

Below:  Mrs. H's "group" for the day, Brandon (left), Tony (next to Brownie) and our girls.  Hard to get them to pose together.  Tony is a romantic interest of one of the girls...ever since Kindergarten...so it was an exciting/awkward day as we toured the gardens!  ;)

Below:  The Bug pauses in one of the greenhouses for a photo.

Below:  Another peony shot by Potato.

Above:  My nature photo contribution...azaleas!

Below:  some unique sites of the day...

Below:  Daddy and I with our teammate Mr. V...who loves to "Gump" himself into any/every photo!  

Below:  Nurse Ann with The Bug.  Poor Nurse Ann, she struggles to continually educate me about Eastern Health ideas and practices that conflict with Western views of the same.  She really tries to be gentle and patient with me...but we've had several times where we've left our sessions together, whether the topic be vaccinations, eye exercises, IVs given for any ailment, or bed rest for weeks on end, each shaking our head at each other.  I am really astounded at her grace with me.  She is a tender heart and she is so good to our children...I think she thinks she may be the only thing standing between them and some great health issues due to their parents' lack of knowledge of "common sense" health facts!   

Below:  We often see unusual (to our thinking) choices in attire.  Here a local Kindergarten teacher from another school has brought her class for an enormous walk in the park...in her platform shoes.

Below:  Magpie and Ethan...a dear close friend of our family...he comes to our home regularly for homework help...or just to hang out and soak up the chaos!

Daddy took a bad jolt to his back tonight in a van ride into town so he's turned in early to rest it.  Please be lifting him up.  We've got to get some things ready this week for our travel South next week, so we need Daddy to be all rested up before we leave our home!  And, I'm having some weird neuro stuff with my left shoulder, elbow and hand.  I have a significant neck injury from years ago that had caused nerve trouble in the past down my arm, but this pain and some real discomfort in the hand (like arthritis aching, I imagine.)  Anyway, we could use your prayers if your remember us.

Grateful for everyday.

Glimpses of Divine Design

It strikes me the strangest moments.  The split second when the Divine and my natural experience collide and for a brief moment I catch a glimpse of more of His handiwork.    Those moments give me the goosebumps.  They thrill me...they capture my imagination...and they leave me eager for more of His revelation.

Today Daddy and I sat across the table from a truly great man.  I wrote about him a short while ago. Lu Ping, is a man who along with his wife, is raising 34 children.  We were thrilled to receive the call that he was traveling from his countryside home, seven hours away, to pay us a visit.  We were so pleased to meet his daughter, and a foster daughter, who help care for the 34 children.  His face is so peaceful, so radiant, that I find myself so attracted to the Divine image he bears in his mortal flesh.  Truly, He is an example that mankind was fashioned after the Creator.

We toured our school, talked about some future projects that we will undertake together, and spoke deeply about our shared heart for children in crisis.  We listened as he told us more about his history.  How he first became involved in the work of caring for children.  As a single, young man, he was renting a room in a countryside village.  There was a young boy he saw regularly, seemingly without anyone to care for him.  After inquiring of some of the locals, he was told that the boy lived under the bridge on the outskirts of the village.  One night he went looking for the boy, and he found him, living alone, under the bridge.  He gave the young boy food, and the jacket off his back.  The boy promptly followed him home and that was the start of a project that has already "graduated 30" children, and has just 34 more.  Although, he is now in an expansion phase with the building of a new school and dormitory, so, more children might soon come in.

He is a slight man of build.  His eyes are so kind.  We talked about helping him get some care for a special needs boy in his home.  We dreamed of future visits from us to them to help with teaching and training the children at his newly expanded compound.  We considered partnering his school with ours, ours to support their learning and helping by training their teachers...perhaps ongoing humanitarian efforts.    It appears to be a big, wide-open door of need, and I think we glimpsed some of His arrangement of these things.  Please, lift us up as we attempt to understand the path we are to travel toward these projects.

On the adoption front, the boys continue to do well.  We've had some really encouraging signs in terms of sensation for Mr. E.  He is supposed to be without feeling below his torso.  However, on several occasions now, in various ways, he has demonstrated that in fact, he has some sensation in his upper thighs!  This could have many implications! We are believing, as we do for all our kids, for healing of the body, mind, and spirit!

Tomorrow is yet another field trip!  I know....how can this keep up?  We really don't know!  But, we're off with our Elementary kids tomorrow to visit the self-same botanical gardens.(My second visit in as many weeks!)  We have a six day work week next week, and then we're off to the South to complete the all-important visa portion of the adoption process!  Parts of our tribe will be down South for one week...while others will return home with teammates to have a three-day school week!

Last night we were able to get back to our routine of individually "dating" our kids.  We have a special evening, every-other week, when the other 8 kids stay home, and Daddy and I take out one kiddo on a date. I'm going to post a photo of Brownie on her date with us.  She kept saying, "This is the best!"  My heart was so grateful for His grace to allow us these special times with our precious ones!

Must run for now...will keep trying to write...especially as I have pictures to share!

Above:  Brownie's date night.

Above: our Team with Lu Ping and his daughters, he is in the center of the photo, the shortest one there, in a gray shirt

Below:  We were blessed by their agreement to stay and go out for "hot pot" with us!  Though the lighting is bad, Lu Ping is in the center.

We are amazed by the work of His hands! 

Hangin' Tough

I can honestly say that I'm amazed at how well everything is going thus far with Mr. E and Mr. N.   Truly, my expectations were FAR lower and those low expectations have become my friends over the last 20 years (I spent the first 20 years of my life impossibly disappointed by my expectations of everything and everyone!)

Mr. E is like velcro, picking up every word or routine that passes by him.  His most recent issue is the love of eating.  He tells us he is hungry ALL THE TIME!  The last few mornings his pre-breakfast was three hard boiled eggs!  I don't know where he's putting it all, but his tiny frame is in for some major changes if he keeps this up!   Got this photo of him from a week ago...and it shows his charming, money-making smile...

He's such a morning guy...every morning when I go to the boys' room to wake them, he smiles this smile and says "Good morning!"  then "Wo ai ni Momma!" ("I love you Momma!")  How blessed am I?

Mr. N is excelling in the department of quick learning of the rules.  He is now the one who quickly tells the others when they are out of line.  This new sheriff in town is not so well received by the rest of the posse when he's trying to enforce the rules he himself only learned over the past 14 days.  Today I was taking him out, by himself, to run some errands with me.  I was teaching him some of the English words for colors and our clothes.  When we both realized we were wearing red, he smiled this huge smile, and hugged me with glee...because we were matching!  It was so dear.  We have always be watching him and how he relates to everyone else at this point, but he is charming and so fun.  He loves to sing and dance...and he is officially now the Drama King of the family.  (And THAT is saying something!)

A photo of he and The Bug while out on the "teacher's field trip" on Saturday:

Must get off to sleep.  Have to work on tracking down a missing passport (Mr. E's) that was supposed to have arrived to us over one week ago.  It is sort of an important detail...

Another TV interview tomorrow, too...it is amazing that there are still folks interested in our story...they'll come for 2-3 hours and follow us around and interview us...praying that the message of LOVE will be heard and understood.

Going to give you a few more photos here from the past couple of days...more coming soon...

Above:  On Easter morning, our two guys (The Bruiser & The Singer) played in the band as we sang to celebrate the day!

Above:  Magpie and one of our teammates, Mrs. V

Below:  Our front door (and one half of our shoe racks)..thought you'd be interested to see...

Below:  My Blue Flames English Class - most were trying to appear stoic and studious I guess, thus the limited smiles...man, I love these students!

Below:  The Singer snapped this photo of me in our elevator...he was so proud that he got me in the frame on this one!

Below: At the teacher's retreat on Saturday, Daddy snapped this safety warning...

Below:  Daddy, in a photo NOT taken by himself, at the teacher's retreat

Below:  Some of our girls with Mrs. V in the countryside

Below:  Bub, will be a first grader next year...all the ladies love him...

Below:  Brownie in a rare, non-crossed-eye, non-crazy photo shot

Off to start Monday...Sunday was a good day...but all good things must come to an end...

Field Trippin'

Just what we needed in our boring existence....the Kindergarten Field Trip!  Once again it was Momma who went with the youngest K guys in our family (Here, you go to Kindergarten from 2.5 years to 6 years of age!)

This time I had THREE sons to attend the field trip alongside.  It was a nice day and the boys were really excited.  I thoroughly enjoyed all their funny comments.  Mr. E has added another first in his first two weeks of being in a family...a field trip.  My, the new experiences of this precious boy!  It is really a testament to his fortitude that he's not just sniveling the days away!

Mr. N goes tomorrow, without a parent...just the others in the older K classes (including Bub.)  They are going to visit the Coca-Cola factory!  I would have enjoyed seeing that...but alas...it was trip number 5 or so to the Botanical Gardens!  ;)

Some photos:

Above and Below:  At our favorite restaurant in the village near our home..."hot pot"...it is so delicious!  One boiling pot with a duck in it...lots of different vegetables...good times had by all children.

Below: Mr. E and his aide, Ada...yes, that is a little funny for us, too.

Below:  The boys and I with Mr. E's montessori class.

Below:  Three great guys...becoming fully brothers.

Below:  The Bruiser was totally into the Botanical Garden!

Below:  Mrs. V and I pose for a photo that The Singer took.  Not bad for his first, four-year-old try. 

Below:  Mr. E likes this new world he's in, I think.

Above and Below:  Gratuitous nature shots from the Botanical Garden.

Below:  Caught these gals sneaking in via a ladder over the brick wall.  When I realized what they were doing, at first they smiled warmly, as if to show how proud they were to be cheating the Garden of the entry fee.  The lady sitting on the wall was the gal who apparently sells "discounted" entries.  I was amazed at how brazen these young gals (and an older woman) were!  Just after they all got into the garden...a guard came around and saw the ladder...and sent them packing again.  Guess they'll have to pay the 30 RMB to see the flowers...

Good opportunity to tell the boys about stealing, though!

Below:  Here is a day at the park for us...throngs of people...dozens of classrooms of children dressed alike, soldiering on through the garden while hanging on firmly to the child ahead of them...they must NOT break the chain. How easy to lose someone here, especially a little Chinese boy or girl!

Off to bed.  Hoping to have all of Mr. N's adoption papers in hand by this Friday...then it is on to the South to get their special visas in their passports so they can come meet some of you this summer!

Happy Spring!

Easter 2012

Another weekend of big firsts for our two newest additions.  They started the next week of school this morning.  Mr. N did really well, except for his propensity that if you "start" something with him, he's going to "finish" it.  A few different kids apparently bumped into him during the school day, and he came out swinging.  This afternoon he and I ran around town trying to get some of his adoption documents finalized.  We were in two different government offices and he was a dream.  The ladies at the Civil Affairs office checked twice to see if he was the same guy who'd terrorized their office just a little over one week ago!

Mr. E is showing that he has great fortitude when it comes to getting his way.  The drop off with his aide this morning was smooth.  He was pretty smiley and happy.  But sometime later in the morning, he refused to go to English class.  He was coaxed and encouraged, but as he has shown us several times this week at home, he EXPECTS to get his way.  So, he was told he could not go on the "walk" with his aide, mid-morning.  In fact, he could not do anything else until he calmed down and received his English lesson.  Two hours later, he relented.  This character trait will serve him well, no doubt.  But, it is really a major issue in acclimating him to life outside the orphanage nursery!

Some photos of our weekend:

Above & Below:  The Team together for an egg coloring party....5 dozen eggs are colored in minutes with a crew this size!

Below:  Mr. N colors his very first Easter egg

Below:  Now a pro...The Singer is all over his first egg of the season.

Below:  I think Daddy shot this photo himself...he really excels in self-portraits ;)  (Magpie is stifling a laugh.)

Below:  Mrs. V, Brownie and The Bug celebrating the day together.

Below:  Mr. V gets a shot with Brownie too...and Mr. N aims a gun at the camera...don't know where the gun came from...but of course, it is his FAVORITE thing in this house!  AHHHHH!

Below:  Mr. & Mrs. S along with Potato show off some of their hard work/

Below:  Easter morning in the holding cell...waiting for Momma to say..."go hunt for the baskets"

Below:  The first basket was found by Potato

Below:  The Bug is always photo-ready, despite the 6:15 am hour!

Below:  Mr. N is all over this candy in a basket portion of the holiday.

Below:  Mr. E can't believe everything going on around him.  Lots more laughs than fearful eyes...this is a sampling of his infectious smile!

Below:  The highlight of my weekend...at our Easter gathering...Magpie translates the Good News for Mr. N for the first time of his life...he was CAPTIVATED by the story of God's love, Jesus' sacrifice, and that the tomb was EMPTY!  It was something more beautiful to behold than I can ever tell you.  He spent the rest of the day pouring over the children's picture bible...then he told me later that God died...but He's alive today!  Oh the joy in my heart to hear those words from my son!

Below:  Prior to the outdoor egg hunt...an insane posse of hunters.

Below:  Bub is a champion egg hunter.

Below:  Mr. N reached his quota first...he LOVED it!

Below:  The Bruiser charmed us all with his independence and authority as he explained the "how to's" of egg hunting to both Mr. N and Mr. E.

We are blessed.  We are exhausted.  We totter on the edge of feeling totally overwhelmed and periodically delighted by the changes in this brood.  But He is faithful, ever faithful, and encouraging us that we simply must let go and follow Him into the realm of faith...the absence of fear.

Tomorrow, more adventures and challenges await us.  Tonight, resting in His arms of love.