Family

Today is my birthday.

I am so looking forward to the next few days when we will celebrate Thanksgiving.  With Abram finally home, it will be a special day indeed for all of us. 

After a few days at home, 11 of 12 of us came down with the flu.  It was a catastrophe of biblical proportions!  We actually had multiple times when two kids were vomiting at the same time!!!!  Only one among us escaped unscathed...Abram.  So we've determined that he is either the strongest...or the Trojan Horse who brought it to us!

I've been reflecting over these past few days about God's grace and the visceral way we experience it through adoption.  It's the same each time, though the circumstances are different.  We have waited, prayed for, anticipated and fallen in love with the child who is to come home to us...but they have known little or nothing of us.  We simply cannot wait to embrace them...yet they eye us suspiciously and proceed with great caution into our world.  I think it was our first adoption when the application of this same situation in the spiritual came to light for me.  God is pursuing us, He was pursuing us before we knew Him or desired Him.  When we first experience Him, the first taste of this wild, spiritual reality, we too proceed with caution, doubt, and perhaps some suspicion.  He has loved us all along, yet we begin to love Him after we've walked with Him for some time.  Once we've experienced His hand guiding us, protecting us, and providing for us.  Even still, He receives us into His family fully, irrevocably, and patiently waits for us to love Him in return.

One of our sons has taken a much longer time than the others to bond with us, me especially.  He has always held his heart back and accepted me only so far as the services I provided him of food, clothing, and help with homework.  Recently, just before Abram came home, this one who had yet to fall in love with me, started to warm.  Just three weeks ago he made a book for me and left it on my pillow.  It was entitled, "My Family."  This is the child who when he came home said to me, "your family has got a lot of kids, but I'm the best."

He was always like that, he would never include himself in being one of "my" family.  He was a free agent in his heart and mind.  Part of this was due to the foster home environment he had been in for many years.  His foster mom, who loved him dearly, never disciplined him...never, ever said no to him...and he was like a boy raised by wolves when he came home to us.   The first time we met him, he was 3/4 up the wall in a McDonalds.  When he was called to eat, he stood ON the table, in his SHOES, and SQUATTED over the food, eating wildly.  We were freaked out!

He thought, I believe, that when someone loves you, they never tell you no. I think that he interpreted our rules in the house to be declarations of our hatred for him...and even though I knew it...I could do nothing about it for he lacked any sort of judgement even on matters of safety.

In the book he gave me he had drawn pictures of each of us, the first page, "Mom and Dad, I love you."  Then, page by page, portraits of his siblings...each noting their differences and unique qualities in the drawing of likenesses.    On the last page he wrote again, "My Family...let's have some FUN!"

I was struck at how the miracle of family had finally taken root in him.  He had finally fallen in love with us too.

Tonight, at my "second birthday dinner" we prayed quickly as the kids were all hungry and ready to eat.  But this one, the author of the "My Family" book, he said, "Momma, can I pray too?"

Then he prayed, "Dear Lord, today is our Momma's birthday.  Thank you for her.  Thanks that we love her so much and she does so much for us and loves us everyday.  Thanks for this food we get to eat, but thanks for my Momma, more than anything."

I hugged him and cried, and he hugged me for all he was worth.  It wasn't forced, it wasn't awkward, it wasn't showy...it was REAL.

There it was again.  God's grace. 

This is a photo of our gang, minus our precious kids who are in the States...at my 1st birthday dinner yesterday...

And a photo of Abram with Daddy and Momma too...he is adjusting so smoothly...the EASIEST one we've ever had...Mr Sunshine, singing, humming, laughing, and always trying to joke with us...

Happy Thanksgiving from our family, to yours!  Thanks be to God for He has done great things for us, and we are FILLED with JOY!

Home - "Love Fest 2013"

It was a long day of travel yesterday.  We wondered how Abram would do with his first plane rides.  Sadly, I did not have the camera out to capture the delight on his face as the jet raced down the runway for takeoff. He squealed with glee!  He sang most of the arduous travel day...dancing a bit, laughing a lot, and quietly waiting when waiting was in order.  The old hymn, "Sunshine in my soul today..." kept flashing through my mind as I marveled at his stamina and positive outlook...so soon after his life was turned upside down.

He took to giving us kisses and asking us for kisses yesterday.  Oh my...he is like candy...I declare. 

His eyes are very light sensitive and he definitely has poor vision.  To what degree, we'll have to determine when we go to the pediatric ophthalmologist later this week.  When it is bright, he likes to have his eyes closed, or extremely squinted.  When we're indoor, he loves to explore on his own, sometimes getting very close to things so that he can make out the details.  He sees color and shapes very well and his other senses are ultra sharp.    His sweet and cheery outlook astounds me as he is constantly confronted by things that to me would be scary...especially when it is bright out and hard to see.

One of our teammates prayed the last week at our meeting that Abram would have a strong sense of "safety" with us.  I have thought so many times through this journey, even on the roughest of grieving days, that he does feel safe with us.  He trusts us implicitly, and it is proof of how cared for he was by his foster parents.  He welcomes hugs, touches, kisses, and when we tell him we love him...he enthusiastically replies that he loves us too...

This morning, everyone woke up to meet their new brother.  We'd arranged for everyone to miss school today (except for poor Daddy who slogged it out for the rest of us at school.)  Abram was initially a bit afraid.  We got in after dark last eve and he'd slept with Daddy and I, but when he woke up, I was away in the restroom and he had 2-3 new siblings staring at him in the bed.  He cried quietly, and hid his head a bit...but it only lasted a few minutes, and he was ready to go out to greet them all.

Daddy had prepped them well to give him his space, and to remember that his sight is an issue with their first meeting.  They sat all around him, many of my boys gently reaching out to touch him and encourage him with their gentle words of welcome.  It brought me to tears again.  Love, acceptance, welcome, belonging...expressed by each sibling to their new little brother.  He felt that warmth and within minutes was eager to open up a little toy fan I'd purchased for him on the first day together.  (Magpie had showed him on Day 2 that there was a secret chamber in the fan, one that when opened, had a stash of jelly beans.  He showed me 1000 times from Day 2 to Day 4 that he had that stash of jelly beans. )  Within moments of being surrounded by his new big family, he opened that secret stash and eagerly began to pass out single jelly beans to each of his siblings.  I was so touched.  Next he opened his prized "airplane water" that he got on one of the flights yesterday that he insisted not be drunk, but instead kept securely in his backpack.  He opened the water and immediately began to offer each sibling a drink.  It was a revealing experience for all the kids with their new little brother...they were all instantaneously smitten.  Each one of them murmuring appreciative words and agreeing, "he's so sweet", "he's good!", "he is so cute!"

I'll attach some photos of the Love Fest....and some travel shots, too...

I cannot imagine how the Father could trust Daddy and I with such glorious riches as these children...I am profoundly grateful...living right in the middle of another miracle...

                                                               First Plane Ride!

                                       Receiving one of a thousand kisses from Magpie and Momma!

                                                                     Introductions 

                                                  Pajama-clad welcome wagon...family!

Spotty Internet

Regrettably,  I think our VPN connection was "not compatible" with our hotel's internet system...so...no posts for a few days.  A few thoughts from previous days...

 This guy is astounding to us. 

He is truly a tough one...yet so sensitive and dear.  We cannot imagine the process of grief he is enduring, and still, he is reaching out to us.  Drawing whatever comfort we can give him.  We started teaching him his English name today.  It is really cute as the combination of sounds is uniquely Western...so his pronunciation is too cute for words.

He played around in the room last night, doing somersaults on the bed.  Packing and repacking his backpack.  Then when it was time, he snuggled up into the bed, and went to sleep.  That was it.

Yesterday we visited the museum, then off to take a plane ride towards home.

He has been a great deal of fun on the ride home.  Lots of playing, laughter, and fun.   His laughter is the most infectious sound...really deep and husky...while being completely uncontrollable!

I told him that tomorrow morning he'll meet his five of his older brothers and three more of his older sisters.  I'm not sure he can follow the higher math!  :)

Just now, he's putting the baggage tag on his sisters arm, over and over again and telling her he's putting her through the machine.  This was after claiming the bags at baggage claim and his careful inspection of the tags...I guess to confirm that they were ours? 

Love.  It's in the air.






A few photos of our days:

Finalized

We are a family of 14.

Hard morning.  All the way there Abram was telling me, "you're taking me back."  Each time I would say, "I'm so sorry, no."  But he in no way believed me.  When we got to the Civil Affairs office, when we started finalizing the paperwork, he was so hopeful.  Watching the door, every moment for her to arrive.  After one hour, the Orphanage director came in, she had been stuck in a traffic jam.   It was clear that his hopes were fading, but when she came in, he looked around for his foster mom anxiously.  When she didn't appear, he slumped in my arms.

As we left that place, the last place he saw her, he sobbed.  We sobbed.  The reality was profound of his broken heart.

He cried heartily for an hour, until the car pulled up to a place to shop.  We got out, went to lunch, and his disposition entirely changed.  He was playful again.  He was chatty.  He was ready to ignore the anguish for awhile.

We've had a most fabulous afternoon and evening.  He was even playful with Daddy before Daddy left to catch the flight back home.   He's thoroughly charmed his older sister and me.  Everyone we encounter thinks that he is a foreign boy.  Such a change after having six children who are by their hair color and eyes, so clearly Chinese.

We're going up to bed, but I'll post more photos in the morning.  I am so hopeful that he'll be able to have a good night's sleep.  We're also going to try a bath, since everything seems to be going so well.

Thank you for all your prayer for us.  We are ever so grateful for our fabulous agency (Children's House) too, THEY have pressed hard, and believed in us and this precious boy...it is thanks to them that my heart is as full of joy as it is tonight.

Adoption.  It is a miracle, every time.

Restless Night

Up and at it this morning.

Sunshine rose on the face of this dear boy today.  I am completely besotted.  He eats, and eats, and eats.  He went to sleep in all his clothes last night...even the shoes.  Around 2 am, he let me take off his shoes and two of the six layers he was in.  He called out for her many times in the night, I just kept praying and patting him.

Daddy was the best, often springing up, and rubbing his head...that soothes him a great deal.

We're off in 30 minutes to finalize it in ink.  Next post, he'll officially be a H guy...and I am beside myself with joy for it.

A more reflective post in the future, I hope.

Abram

Got him.

He’s gorgeous.  He’s brave.  He’s grieving so very hard.  Yet, we had laughter over dinner (KFC) which is our ceremonial post-adoption fare.  He has a very funny sense of humor.  His eyes are bluish.  His hair is white as snow.  He is TALL.  He was loved, loved, loved by his foster parents who accompanied him to meet us a Civil Affairs.  Tons of weeping, not a dry eye anywhere…he is just now silently whimpering on my lap.  My heart is breaking.  Daddy keeps rubbing his legs and he is soothed by touch, we are so grateful.  Got all the contact info with the foster parents: a total answer to prayer.   Promised to her that we’d do our best to care for this one that she has raised since he was six months old.  His eyes are super light-sensitive and he needs GLASSES for a lack of vision at any distance.  He has held my (Momma’s) hand since he let go of hers.  He allows me to comfort him, which is an amazing gift.

He cried for nearly three hours straight.  At times like these, it would be easier not to understand Chinese as he pleads with me for his foster mom, his house, to quickly, quickly take him back.  Someday he will understand that as a foster parent, they had no rights to him.  That they could not guarantee him a home.  That they had no control on how many more days, or years he would've lived with them.  All of them...powerless.  Which is exactly how I feel this evening...exhausted...and powerless to soothe the ache that is tearing him up.   The photo of us with them..for us, the joy of a day finally arrived.  For them, a day of profound loss.  It is so difficult to even look at it. 

Tomorrow it is official.  First thing in the morning, we write up the last of the papers and have him as an H kid.  He is so dear.  He is so beautiful.  He is struggling so hard…I cannot imagine the pain and confusion in his heart.  Even still, we sensed the Presence of the Comforter, ever so powerfully.  Keep lifting us up, we ask humbly…adoption is not for wimps….and we want to be strong for this precious, gift from God.

Some photos and a video of some silliness at dinner:

 

Arrived - Stalled Out

A glorious train ride.  Lots of new local friends who advised us in all manner of things.  Not a whole lot of sleep, and some aching back/necks...but we made it to blue skies-Taiyuan.  Don't know how often this happens here, but we're grateful for it today.  We arrived when the city was asleep (5:15 am) and were delighted that our hotel admitted us to our room and even gave us breakfast tickets for our first day!

We've just been told that Civil Affairs changed the appointment and we're now not meeting Abram till 2:30 or so.  So here we are, in the lobby, all dressed up, with no son to meet for another six hours.  Magpie and I will hit the road, check out some of the sites.  Daddy has retired to the bed chamber to take on some additional hours of REM if possible.

Funny story:

In the taxi on the way from the train station, the cabbie was telling us about the FIVE STAR hotel where we were staying.  He went on about how it is 1000 RMB a night!  Magpie,  looked at me and said, "an expensive hotel?"  I told the driver, "no way, we're staying for 250 RMB per night, it's no FIVE STAR"  He insisted that the name of our hotel was in fact, a ritzy joint.  Magpie showed him the name of the hotel again, WITH THE ADDRESS, and he puzzled.  It was apparently not the hotel he was thinking of.  After a few calls to his dispatch, and one to the hotel that woke up the front-desk attendant, we pulled along this small street to a hotel.  The driver, said, "Oh yeah, this is a THREE STAR hotel at BEST, definitely THREE STAR, no FIVE STAR! No, no, no, not a five star!"  We were hysterical!  After living in China so long, we knew that a three star is more than adequate for us...but the driver...he was WORRIED for us!  ;)

Will post more when we see the face of our boy. 

Had a wonderful p time this morning, the three of us, and have been receiving texts from teammates back in our home town...feeling His presence all around us!

Still, just a family of 11 kids.

Adoption Journey #7 - Underway

Well, long time, no blog.  However, it is in keeping with tradition that we blog about our adoption journeys.  I enjoy going back later to read about those first, chaotic, life-changing days, long after the dust has settled.

Tomorrow, we're off on journey #7.  Abram Joshua Ming will be H kid #12!  The entire concept of that makes me feel a bit light headed.  Not long ago, my mother told me that through genealogical research, she had determined that my great-grandmother had thirteen kids and ran a boarding house.  How I'd love the chance to sit down with her to ask her advice.  Makes me smile to consider that I'm following in her footsteps, though I didn't know it.

We're going by train to Taiyuan, Shanxi Province.  It is the first time we've gone to that Northern Province.  Since we live in China it is preferable to us both financially and comfort-wise, to take the train.  We'll sleep overnight, arrive at 5:30 am, meet the guide at 8:00 am, and are scheduled to meet our boy at 9 am.  (Can't imagine what a fearful sight we'll be!)

In all other cases of our kids, we've been able to connect with the foster parents even before we arrived to bring them home.  Abram is a complete mystery to us.  Only what has been told to us in the file, and the sweet (and very dated) photos we have of him, clue us in to who he'll be.  We have no idea how much he knows about us, either.

This paper pregnancy is by far the longest, we're at 13.5 months from the time we first saw his face.  Everything struggled along in the process.  Paperwork delays, computer "upgrades", and the last of the finances needed.  It has been really difficult to be patient.  Yet, I can see that our last boys, needed more time than the others before them to bond with us.  Everything in His perfect time.  The last funds we needed to travel came to us just yesterday, two days before our departure.  Always on time, never early, seems to be the review lesson for us.

I'll update the blog as I am able.  Magpie and Daddy will round out our travel group.  Daddy will stay for just 24 hours before he'll rush back to teach and take care of the home-bound Hs.  Mud and I will return four days later, after a side trip to Shanghai's airport to see our social worker.    This whole experience is shaping up so very differently than the last ones.  Good thing we love adventure!  :)

A photo of our boy:

While we're thrilled that in a little over 24 hours, we'll finally be united with him, we are simultaneously grieving for him, and his foster family.  Our hearts are heavy with the reality that adoption is born of loss.  Often loss upon loss, before a forever family is created.  We're lifting Abram up asking for grace and peace in his heart.  We're asking for a knowing to descend upon him that everything is going to be alright.  We're also asking for someway to connect with the family who has loved and cared for him for 4.5 years.  I cannot imagine their heartbreak.

Stay tuned, the miracle of adoption is about to unfold before our very eyes.  While we should be well-seasoned for what is ahead...butterflies abound in my core.