We're still standing...

I think that it is 5:43am on Day 4 of the wonderful world of parenting "twin" two-year-olds! However I may be in such a fugue state that I've lost track of facts, details, and the like!

I have some awesome video and pictures to load...but that will have to wait until I can get Graham off my lap for more than 2.2 minutes. I promise, I will try to do it this evening.

We're still in school...this week Daddy and I have to teach Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. We're off on Wednesday for the Dragon Boat Festival...blessed timing, indeed. Please keep praying for us as I'm not quite sure how the school will feel about my teaching my classes with my "shadow" on my hip or clinging to my leg. This morning, he does seem a bit better in that he was laughing at his big brother "Bub" at the breakfast table.

In general the difference between the two new guys is striking. Graham is grieving so passionately...there have been episodes each day where he will cry and yell in frustration asking me "Why won't you let me go home?" or "I want to find my Mao Tze (this was the nickname for his foster mother." Perhaps Potato (our 6 year old adoptee) grieved as hard four years ago as Graham is doing...but, now that we speak enough Chinese to follow what he's saying...it is nothing less than brutal. Yesterday while I was making breakfast, he stood at the glass door the overlooks our balcony and the main road below saying over and over again..."I want to go back." He stayed there, repeating that for over one hour.

Nap times and bedtime have been extremely painful too. Hard crying, wrestling against his reality...while I keep telling him..."Don't cry, Momma is here." Yesterday, while we were making water balloons for our annual Birthday Water Balloon fight (in honor of Brownie's birthday)...he had a particularly difficult grieving episode. He said, "Momma, please, please I want to go. Please let me go back." One of our friends was here and she helped me to make sure that I spoke correctly by telling him that Mao Tze knew he was here, that she loved him and would see him again, but that this was his family and new life...in response he threw his head back and wailed..."NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

It is times like this when we have to regroup as a family, reminding ourselves that he could not have stayed with Mao Tze forever...that eventually, without adoption, he would have been returned to the orphanage to live out the rest of his childhood...and that this was God's plan for his life...he is supposed to be with us. So we solemnly walk through the grieving with him...watching him ten times a day, pack and re-pack the plastic bag that all his worldly possessions came in (special blanket, two special shirts, a few toys)...always ready and at the door, so that when he can go...he will.

Silas is another story all together. He's smiley and oh so happy to have his very own people...especially his very own DADDY. Good grief, he is enthralled with his Daddy! He makes everyone here smile over and over with his running around and plowing into his Daddy...rubbing his enormous head (an H family trait for sure) into his Daddy! Last night he was really amped up and, though he struggles some with his feet staying straight as he goes (his club feet generally give him a "pigeon-toed" effect to his gait) he loves to GO, GO, GO. He's not nearly as verbal as Graham...but last night when Daddy caught him mid-run (just after a bump on the head from tripping over a rug) that it was bed-time...Silas exclaimed over and over, "I want to run! I want to run! I want to run!" (though his physique and co-ordination would not lend themselves to a running lifestyle at this time) He is impossibly darling. We were all cracking up.

Silas, as I've told you, lived in the orphanage for his whole life. He is our first child adopted directly from institutional care. What an eye-opening experience it has been in regards to developmental delays. Though he and Graham are only one week apart in age (this is quite certain as they both still had their umbilical chords attached when they came into care) we are estimating that they are nearly one year apart developmentally. Silas does not know how to drink out of a cup (he's only used a bottle,) he cannot feed himself without making a terrible mess, he's not potty trained, his language is about that of an 18 month-old, and generally his physical abilities are delayed as well. We know this to be the case so often of institutionalized kids, and that, generally they catch up to their peers once they're living in a family situation.

As Daddy and I were discussing this last night once the boys were asleep...we were thankful that so many of these key milestones for Silas we haven't missed...that we'll see them rapidly come on in these two months that God has graciously given us to focus on integrating the boys into our family as we travel for furlough. This Friday we leave for Guangzhou and will have 5 days as a family to continue to meld ourselves together...then for our travel to the US...like it or not, we're all together as a family 24/7 for 7 weeks! What a mercy of our Father.

They are both so darling, so unique...can't wait till you get to meet them...if we're fortunate enough to see you over furlough.

One last thing to relate...

All the other kids have been simply amazing through this week. They have been patient and understanding, everyone of them realizing that they have a part to play in this "family making" time. Big sisters have changed diapers, taken long walks to try to distract from grief, helped with feeding times, and worked in the kitchen. Littler sisters have forgiven and forgiven the troubles caused when little brothers come trundling in and destroy your constructed play-house or have mixed the play-dough colors up!

Last night, I was putting the boys down to sleep with Daddy. Daddy was rubbing Silas' head (which seems to be nirvana for Silas, who's likely had little touch dedicated to him) and I was comforting a crying Graham. Bub, our four year old, was trying to lay down and get to sleep too in this bed that 5 days ago, was his alone.

I was singing "1 little, 2 little, 3 little Indians" and saying often, in Chinese, "Don't cry, Momma is here." After about 25 minutes, I got quiet and was tired. Then I heard Bub, start up, speaking in Chinese saying, "Don't cry, big brother is here." Then he began to sing a favorite song of his we learned from the Smith family at a Perrygin camp-out years ago..."One bottle of pop, Two bottles of pop, Three bottles of pop...fish and chips and vinegar."

I had tears in my eyes as finally the boys gave into sleep.

We are so grateful to have been called to witness these miracles.