Cultural Strides

After my heinous cultural faux pas written about a few posts ago, I'm so happy to detail a bit of a victory that we experienced recently.

As we are doing the necessary paperwork for our newest addition, we don't have too much to do...but were surprised recently when we needed to go back to redo our Medical Checks and obtain a "You're not a bad guy/gal" form from the local authorities.  Both of these issues have significant challenges within them (the first being that we needed to do a blood draw/test and each time we do so, due to current practices, we EXPOSE ourselves to many serious health risks.)  The second I won't detail here, but suffice it to say that IF we were not a "good guy or gal" in the sight of those overseeing us officially...we would NO LONGER BE HERE...as we live here based on the discretion of the big guys...if we were in any trouble with them...we would be sent packing!  The cultural issues involved in obtaining such a "Good guy/not a criminal" form are too many to detail as such a request completely defies any reason to those who are asked to provide it.  I am ever so hopeful, as we've been notified of an interview date this afternoon, that this key form will soon be in our hands.

Back to the first issue...

Last Saturday we needed to go out and start on the Medical checks...NEVER a really welcome sort of thing...in any place.

A major problem is that I have a "medical form" provided by a US agency, that requires the Doctor to "interpret" the results of all the "check-up" items, then sign, date, provide a medical license number, etc.  This is simply NOT done here.  That sort of form is completely foreign (and not just because it is entirely in English!)  Of course the Doctor here will provide us with documentation of our blood work, and all the other checks required by the form...but to ask them to fill out the form...is outside of the realm of imagination.  For them, the form is totally sub-standard, when they can provide us with all of the formal medical records.

I'm grasping at this early hour to describe how crazy this idea is to ANY person here...

Maybe it is the same confusion that foreigners feel when they come here and they sign boiler plate contracts that really have nothing specific in them, no job descriptions, and nothing that the company will be held to.  For the Western mind, this is ridiculous!  Facts are everything, facts supersede everything!  But Here, it is the relationship that is important.  If you have a good relationship with your employer, they will treat you right.  But, no paper will guarantee that...whereas in the West...you can sue that employer based on the "letter of the law" in your contract.  Foreigners struggle with the "WHY?" question incessantly...but it simply cannot be answered...that is the way it is Here, and if you can't hang...you have to face going back to your home culture.

So, it was sort of like that when we showed up at the hospital all smiley, asking a Chinese Doctor to "fill out" this (to us) CRUCIAL form, based on her medical exam.  For our minds, we would be tempted to say..."It is so easy, so clear!"  But, it not a matter of presenting/re-presenting/persuading to Doctor to see the logic behind the form. Just the same as a Chinese employer could never present/re-present/persuade the foreigner to understand WHY they have to sign this contract that seems so official (to the foreigner) but has no meaning, to the Chinese.  It simply is apples to oranges.  There is no way to communicate clearly enough to make it make "sense."

In year one, I would have still be operating heavily on the idea that I could reason my way through the situation with the Doctor...and that it should be accomplished in some sort of "reasonable" (by Western time standards) time frame.  I would have felt anxious about it, frustrated when it wasn't as "simple" as it should be, and exhausted by process of it.

In year two, perhaps a bit like the above...but I would have surrendered to the idea that time, and thereby "reasonable time frames" are different Here.

This year, before we left for the hospital I thought of two things.

The facts of WHY I need this form, and the doctor to fill it out just so...don't matter...they are NOT helpful in ANY WAY to getting my need fulfilled.

The Doctor needs to establish a relationship with me, quickly, so that she can provide me with something, that to her is completely ridiculous and not understandable.

So, I got two things and stuffed them in my bag:  a photo of our whole family, and the last medical form we had done (at another hospital) for The Singer and The Bruiser's adoptions.

When we arrived at the hospital we began the dance of communication.  Our dear Uncle was there with us, so our first job was to explain to him WHAT we needed, specifically.  Once he understood, he helped us tell the 'story' the first time, to the intake nurse.

The next three hours were spent talking about the situation, in a series of brief conversations,  with the Head Nurse.  Of course, she assured us, they would provide everything needed for the medical check on their official, stamped/chopped documents...WHY did we need the silly American form?  Several times we used the last medical form, and the Doctors' all important signatures, to show exactly what we were asking of them once the Medical exam was performed.

Finally, with the help of Uncle, she brought us a Doctor to speak with.  We started the apologies again for the silly form and did our best to explain what we were requesting.  About 10 minutes into the very verbose exchange I thought..."this is it! it is time to get out the photo."

So, I stepped over into the fray and thrust the photo in front of the doctor.  Her eyes, immediately wide, took in the sight.  She looked up at me and asked a few times, "these are ALL your children?"  Then the perfunctory, "wow, what a big family!" and then I said again, but now with the help of the visual aide, "there is another local boy, just like these two (pointing to the two newest guys) who is waiting for a family.  We are trying to complete this silly paper so that we can be allowed to bring him home."

Immediately the situation changed.

The photo had changed everything...we had begun a relationship...and within 5 minutes, she wholeheartedly agreed to fill out the form based on our exams, to sign and date and stamp it just as it needed to be...because obviously we too understood how "ridiculous" the form and the specific rules around it are...and we needed her help to bring a dear boy home.

It was so cool.

Daddy and I marveled at how far we'd come, how we not only had learned HOW to negotiate such a cultural difference...but that even a greater thing had happened within us...

We weren't at ONE MOMENT frustrated, angry, irritated, anxious, judgmental, or exasperated!  We KNEW it would take a big chunk of our day, and that no matter how much it makes sense to us...it is simply seen completely differently by our neighbors (and doctors!)

I wish I could clearly express what a break-through this was!  It was fantastic!  It was monumental!

And, it really encouraged us to see how He has molded us, changed us, and helped us to step outside of our black and white judgments to  be able to not only get by...but to be successful in this foreign land!

He has so much to do with us still...but, we can see that we're on the road to becoming more of who He wants us to be...in the ever great hope of transcending culture...so that hearts can be touched!