3 Weeks Down

Time goes very slowly when you're lying on your back.

Three weeks post-operation...24/7 lying on his back...and most days, he still smiles at us!  Some days his frustration builds to the point that he makes irrational demands and accusations, "I want a doughnut! Give me a doughnut" (never mind we're in China, where donuts are not plentiful!)

"Get two police men over here, in hats!  I want to get out of this place!"

"I told you, that I am hungry!"

"Why are you soooo mean to me?"

We really try to be loving and patient.  The other kids are getting to exercise their tolerance and are learning to be understanding of another who is confined, in pain, and frustrated.  This, of course, is not a natural response from any of us.  Often we want to tell him what to do with his doughnut demands!  But, I think that compassion is growing in all of our hearts.

It is easy when we are able-bodied, and in control of where we go and when.  We simply have no sensitivity or understanding for the incredible frustration that comes with physical limitations.  Maybe we've tasted it for a season of life; illness, broken limb, or incarceration ;) , But as soon as we have our physical freedom and mobility again, the memory fades away.

Just last week I spent hours searching for information on how to use public transport in Thailand for those who use wheelchairs.  In the West, before I had a son that used a wheelchair, I honestly never gave such a thing a moment's consideration.  But now, I have to travel to Thailand as several kids passports and visas are expiring and we have to attend a conference there later in the month...so I will leave with the "affected passport" kids, and spend several days in the heart of their capital city, in a small guest house...trying to find ways to get The Charmer around with us.  Even taxis are not really an option, given our number and the wheelchair may or may not collapse enough to go into a trunk.    The number of skytrain (public transport system) stations that are NOT wheelchair accessible outnumber those that are, by 10 to 1.  Yet, without the Charmer in our lives, none of us would have ever thought of this when traveling to a new city, without the use of a private vehicle.  Just trying to get from the airport to the guest house...is like a massive jigsaw puzzle!

I know that compassion is such an admirable character trait.  I often ask for more compassion in my life, because naturally, I don't think I am very compassionate.  I suppose that walking this journey with The Charmer grows all of us, but perhaps me the most?  When I'm tired, cold, and just want a moment to myself...and then I hear demands to bring the police to the house, with hats, right now?!  Oh, how I wish I could say that I embrace those opportunities to grow in compassion.  It is rather more like chewing leather; a slow and distasteful task.

I remember a teaching, at sometime in my past, that we are like stones lying in a riverbed. Each soul closest to us, are like stones lying there together while the water washes over us.  However, we are not just gently touched by the water, but, in fact, we are forced to rub and jostle against those stones lying beside us.  At times, I have felt literally battered by all the little stones and their rough edges that lie about me.  Greater still, what friction have I caused in their lives with my roughness?  Yet the end result of lying in that stream bed together, grinding against each other, is that we become smooth.  The rough edges are worn away.

That is one great benefit of living with The Charmer during this difficult time.  My callousness is slowly growing smoother as self-centeredness gives way to compassion, as the river of our lives together flows by.