Share the Road...Shut your Mouth!

Oh My...

A painful awareness is settling upon me...that icky, thick feeling of unease...a soggy, smothering blanket of regret...

I have erred.

Of course the author has erred many, many times today, this week, this year, etc. No...this is worse. I have violated the code of cross-cultural worker...my dear husband suggests a tattoo on my forehead of UA (Ugly American) to proclaim my guilt.

It all goes back to this new found love of bicycling.

Since the H Family scored some sweet new wheels in February we have relished the wind in our hair, the sun on our faces and the astonished looks of the throngs we fly past as we ride to school each morning and home each evening. It is not a long trip. It's actually quite silly that we bike it...but it is really, really fun. Being "car-less" for nine months has given us a new appreciation for the wheel and a rolicking passion for of our new "biker" lifestyle. When you see the little H family members, pink and purple backpacks mounted on their backs as they roar off like a herd of turtles in the morning...it's deeply moving. To see the "bigs" Magpie and The Bug cheering on their slower siblings as they circle around the swarm of slow moving objects like Shriners in training...it fills your heart with happiness. This is how we roll, people.

So imagine our amazement when new signs were posted this week at both the school and the LQ (Living Quarters) gates..."For safety reasons, please walk your bike through the gate." These signs directing our tribe to dismount our bikes now 2 more times for our short ride to school.

(Keep in mind that mounting and dismounting the bikes with the littlest H family members is an INVOLVED process...such additional requirements would utterly sabotage our ability to make it to school in a timely fashion...lest we depart the night before!)

In the previous months the guards who man the two entrances have opened the large, electronic gates wide for us to ride through. These are the same gates that are routinely opened for the various cars, trucks and scooters that motor their way into and out of the school's area and the LQ.

A few weeks ago...they stopped opening the gates...directing our group instead to squeeze through the small walking gate. Initially I was frustrated, but thought perhaps they had deemed this a good choice for energy conservation. (Somehow I reasoned that by saving that pesky opening of each gate once a day for our group would definitely impact the bottom line.)

Then a week ago, we began to receive messages, through hand gestures and charades that we were to WALK our bikes through the narrow walking gate at the LQ.

We continued to ride our bikes through the gate at the school, however.

Yesterday, I was commanded by one of the guards at the school gate to WALK our bikes through the school gate, too. When I looked puzzled, the guard pointed to a new sign posted at the gate school. "For safety reasons, please WALK your bike through the gate."

The distance from our home to the school is perhaps about the same as 1 1/2 city blocks. We already dismount our bikes to cross the street midway through the "ride" and struggle like turtles on our backs to get underway again. With this new "safety" regulation...we would have to dismount another two times....or simply walk our bikes for 1/3 of the distance!

Then the western-minded me began to stew on this (I know you're all reading and thinking 'is she really upset about such a stupid thing?'...but in fact I am...chalk it up to culture stress, I think). I begin to rhumenate...

1) "'For SAFETY reasons?'...if we wanted to be safe we should not allow the cars and scooters to come flying through the gates when people are walking there too!" ... but alas, pedestrians have NO RIGHTS here...none...you WILL BE RUN OVER if you are in the way.

2) "We're the only ones who ride bikes to school...why are they punishing us, taking away the precious daily joy we share as a family? Don't they see that we're hanging on by a thread, that we need this little sweet reprieve to dull the sharp edges of our days? Have they conspired against us? Why was there no vote on this? There ought to be a community meeting!"... (Dramatic thinking...it is a genetic trait in my family.)

So this morning...we walked to school.

I spoke to a mother on the way who works at the company and "let her in on" my frustration at the new anti-bicycling rules. She said she'd ask why the new rule had been posted.

After arriving at school, I "shared" my dismay with the school secretary at the new "we hate foreign bicyclists" rule. She said she'd check into it.

After 2nd period today, through no fault of MY OWN, the parent of Daddy's student, the 6th grader, came into the Teacher's office to drop off his son's forgotten Tae Kwon Do outfit. He said, "Teacher, how do you like teaching here?"...With Daddy literally convulsing a warning to me NOT TO SAY A WORD ABOUT IT...I officially "complained" about the grievous insult to bicycling aficionados worldwide and that we "green-living" souls were fed up with the way all those who burned fossil-fuels on their way to school were given preferential GATE TREATMENT over we...formerly, happy, carefree Tour De France contenders!!! I mean really dudes, SHARE THE ROAD!

The look my husband gave me upon the departure of the parent...who HAPPENS to be the Manager over ALL FACILITIES here, both LQ and the School...well, it was murderous!

At lunch I asked my dear husband to go over to the little grocery, outside the LQ gate, to get a drink for my parched (due to tooooo much talking) throat.

Being the absolute dear that he is...he hurried...and rode his bike.

Upon his return he reported to me that when he approached the School gate he was waved on through, vigorously by a guard...wild arm motions, pronounced enough to direct a 747 across the gate's threshold.

Then, when turning back to return to the school...my husband noted...

It was GONE!

The new "safety notice" had been removed!

It is now one hour before we must go out there and face those guards....

Having been an idiot...the shame for my entire family rests upon me.

I am the stereotype...I own the title...Ugly American...and how I wish I could retract it all.

While I have tried to humorously convey the passion of what I see was a STUPID mountain to die on with our hosts here...the fact remains...I blew it.

When living in another culture, daily processing things that "aren't like I expect them to be"...I so often feel like we're doing a good job assimilating...

and then today happens...and I'm ashamed of my cruddy witness...

Most of the time, due to language, I can't convey my frustrations and opinions...a providential irony given my former "identity" of being a radio talk show host...

Got to go find my phrase book and brush up on how to say..."so sorry that I made a big deal over something that should have been addressed quietly...if at all"...

Maybe they'll teach me how to say..."Shut your mouth"

... guessing my dear husband will be eager to learn that one...