Special Guests

It was another big night at our pad last evening.

The Singer's foster family came over for a first visit.  We entertained them, and some other local friends, for a dinner party.

These wonderful people raised our precious son for the first 2 years 8 months of his life.  They cared for him as their own.  They gave him every blessing imaginable.  They adore him. 

This is the third time we've been so fortunate to spend time with the most crucial people from our children's histories.  Each family, totally unique, who cared for three of our adopted four,  from different backgrounds...but each one filled with love for children.  They have selflessly given so much just so that our kids would have the best possible start...while they waited for us to bring them home.

To hear The Singer's foster mom tell it...he is the most handsome, gifted, and clever boy who has ever lived.  I cannot imagine how enriched his life has been because of the care he received in their home. 

I don't know if I could do what they have done.  To love a child so fully, KNOWING, that I would have to let go someday.  If the child is fortunate, I would release them to an eager adoptive family.  If the child is not, back to the orphanage. 

We were all nervous about how it would go.  Would they approve of us, our home and family?  Would The Singer feel torn, sad, or suffer some lasting pain because of it?

All night he was sort of aloof with them.  I know that was difficult for them to experience.  This is not unlike the "first visits" with our other children's early guardians.  Often he would come to me to hug, or sit on my lap, just to gain reassurance.  In the photo below, he wanted to sit on my lap, not hers.  It hurt me to know how much she must have wanted him to fully embrace her.

At the end of the night, she said to him, "I'll come back to see you soon!"

The Singer replied, "No, you don't need to come back.  My Momma loves me too much."

I hugged her and said that I was sorry and she said, "No, I know that this is good."

I know that it will be different the next time she comes, he'll be ready to embrace the past and the present without fear of change...of having to grieve again.  We have such fulfilling relationships with our other children's foster families.

At the end of the night, I went to sleep with the magnificent realization that he KNOWS I love him...

Adoption is a miracle...it is about loss...it is about gain...but as we saw last night, once again, that in the best circumstances, it is about people united in love for a common child.