Driving the porcelain bus...

That crazy expression was popular in the late 80's and referred to hugging a toilet bowl when being ill.

Twice in one week now (after a few years of nary such a nasty experience)...I was driving the bus again!

Last night, in preparation for this weekend's massive sleepover and dinner/breakfast, I had to travel the 1 hour to the "Western Food Market."  I had already taught the full day of school, but time was not on my side, and so I simply had to face the traffic.

Shopping at the market is like a combo Costco/Wong's Lucky market sort of experience.  It is true that we can find certain items for Western cooking that cannot be found at any of our local markets there.  Yet there are also the Chinese favorites with awesome-ly strange labels and their offerings.  Some day I will do an entire post about some of the product labels here...

(I must post this one because I keep forgetting to tell anyone about it.  I was at the "shopping mall" the other day and there was a perfume vendor set up in a kiosk sort of selling station.  They were offering 8-10 glamorous looking bottled scents, I scanned them to see if I recognized any of them. Just as I nearly was past their location my eye glimpsed the sign overhead.  The perfume manufacturing company's name...."Fartier.")

At any rate, last night by the time I got to the check-out (where no one helps you even put your groceries on the belt, let alone to bag them up though there are seemingly HUNDREDS of blue-coated employees involved in conversations all over the store)...my head started to ache.  It was one of those headaches that started behind my left eye, gave me some flashy vision, and grew more intense by the moment.  I started to get really overheated in my multiple layer dressing as I fought to bag my "monthly" shopping up.  To my aggravation, I realized that I had forgotten to replace the headache powder in the little bottle of my purse that recently gave up its last pill.

Once arriving in the parking lot the tiny, tiny, tiny "mini-bus" I'd rented we quickly packed  it up, the driver and I...and we were on our way for the 1.5 (it was now definitely rush, or more appropriately, sitting in traffic-breathing fumes hour) trip home.

I had the driver stop so I could get a drink and something quick to eat.  But as soon as I ate a few bites I knew I'd decided on the wrong course.  The next hour and a half was spent trying to keep my eyes closed, head down, and stomach contents in my stomach.  I was horrified at the thought of throwing-up in the driver's car...and the sicker I got...I could remember NO CHINESE to explain my predicament.

Finally, after what seemed like the worst 10 hour drive home, I got up to our apartment and reached the bathroom in time to take the bus for a spin.

I'm much better this morning and must get everyone off to school here soon...but I was thinking about culture stress.  When we're ill, really ill like I was last night...all of the "charms" of living Here are totally gone.  The lack of control, the ability to care for myself, is totally removed as it usually is...but on nights like last night, it produces fear.  The smells, the traffic, the hardship of simply getting groceries to feed the family, riding in mini-mini buses with no suspension that jolts my neck and a driver who lights up now and again...people who stare at me because I'm a foreigner, or who want to practice their English at the sight of me...being very cold, then very hot...other shoppers who stop and gawk, or who come to my cart to pick through what I'm purchasing while shaking their heads in either disapproval or befuddlement...employees at a shopping market that will not help you get your massive purchase out the door (or even simply move out of your way while shopping...or expect you to be on high alert while they are racing their forklifts around the store nearly whacking a dozen customers)...I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry on the way home last night.

But, today...the supply tank of positive outlook has been restored.  Today Qian Qian will go to have his pre-op exam and we'll know (be praying that there are no other major health concerns beyond the cleft lip/palette) when he can have surgery!  All my kids are awaking from a sound night of sleep and they are well.  Daddy is a marvelous partner who takes care of us when I'm laid low...we have food, shelter, work...and a purpose for our lives.  I realize again how soft I am when it comes to real hardship and suffering...and I feel ashamed. 

Living outside of our comfort zone is a continual stretch...and I am impatient for the day when I can say it no longer makes me uncomfortable...but I wonder if that will even come as I spent so much of my life in another culture, with a different way of life?

Sorry for the rambling this morning.  This is what is pressing on my mind today...and so perhaps I bore you with the reading of it.

It is a new day to deepen relationships, to be listen for key topics to emerge in discussions...to love on the kids of our school...to follow the journey of helping Qian Qian another step further...and to simply "take up space" on this side of the world...oh, that we might fulfill the hope of our calling.