A good China morning.

One of the reasons that I so seldom post, is that as we stare down the beginning of our eighth year in China, very few things get my attention.  In the beginning there was so much culture shock (even when we thought we weren't really experiencing any), that everything seemed notable. 

Things that seemed outrageous, strange or irritable marked our every day, and I wrote about them.  Now, there is a noticeable vacuum where my observations used to germinate.  The commentary department of my brain, too often now switches to white noise...and I seldom think..."I've got to write about that!"

Today, we rose at six as usual.  It is always a harried and hectic race to feed all twelve of us, and load into our nine-seater vehicle, with enough time to make it to school.  Usually on Thursdays, according to the great white board in my bathroom hallway, is shopping day.  This is the case because on Thursdays, Daddy only teaches one class in the morning...and then he comes home and we sort of date/shop/talk/summit/slay the traffic dragons...as a team.  Alas, today however, Daddy, as King of the school's science department, must devote all his attentions to the 2015 Science Fair!  (I cannot share the location for fear that our crowds will likely already be a capacity.)

Anyway, I dropped of the Hs at the school campus and like a fish swimming upstream, proceeded to make my way to the local market to get our weekly supplies for the larder.  I arrived just prior to the doors opening, and was surprised at the numbers of souls already gathered to get shopping.  I casually alighted from the van's drivers seat, and made my way down the moving ramp, into the bowels of a massive building's basement (where no natural light has ever been.)

I made my way through the market without any incident, straining to find familiar brands that would not require me to translate the Chinese labels...and finally found my way to the meat portion of the store.  A young "meat worker" came to my side as I eyed the chicken breasts.  He, apparently recognizing me as the woman who buys more food in one week than other shoppers do in two months, inquired of me if there were enough chicken breast present for my weekly haul.  I smiled and told him that in fact there were not enough, and could he bring me some more.  Out came a big cardboard box, lined in plastic (I have trained my mind to not dwell on the food handling practices)...and he began to help me choose the ones I would like the most.  He nattered on about the price of chicken, the type of people who buy these sorts of chicken breasts, and eventually he worked up the courage to ask why I buy SO MANY chicken breasts.  I was surprised at the easy banter we shared, gone are the days when I had to pantomime to communicate, and his shock and awe at our family's size resulted in the universal thumbs up and strokes of "you are so good", "you are so capable"...

Feeling warmed by our exchange over the breasts, I pressed forward with my cart that has wheels that go in all directions, so you have to constantly fight it to keep it going straight (something that used to drive me to near lunacy on each and every shopping trip at any store in China.)

I joined the throngs of early shoppers waiting in just three lines (with 10 registers that could have been opened...another matter of sheer madness about which I used to fume and froth)...and I realized that I was towering over the early-shopping set.  All of them, fifty or more, elderly, with their hands clutching a sale item of the day, ready to fork over their one or two yuan, and to go home, or to the Mahjong tables...or just a stool in an alley...to while away the rest of the day.  I watched as some gave warm greetings to each other...and then the grandma nearest me...turned to me and said, "you buy so many, many things!"  I smiled and told her of our family size...she responded in shock and awe, giving me the thumbs up and telling me "you are so good" , "you are so capable."  I assured her that I wasn't.  This exchange in Chinese drew dozens of more pairs of eyes our way, and old aunties and uncles who clearly forgot to protect their sacred places in line...and gravitated toward us...amazed at how "you speak Chinese beautifully"  "you are a good speaker of Chinese."  I gave the culturally-correct refusals of such lovely complements, and we settled into a chat about their families, their grandchildren, where they were from, what their lives were like, what I thought of China, why did I come to China, and on, and on it went. 

Finally, the first auntie, and the man and his wife stuck in the unenviable position of being behind the foreign woman who had more food in her cart that anyone had ever seen, helped me to unload my cart, bag my things...and walked me out to my car.  They admonished me that I didn't bring enough bags, that I should have my husband there to help me, that I would get too tired and too old if I did so much work caring for so many children each day...and so much more. 

It was delightful.  Purely, delightful.  I was just sort of one of the early morning shoppers, here in my neighborhood.

I finished up my shopping, after doing a brilliant parallel parking job in a rarely-found street side spot...by walking to the butcher, taking my meat down off a hook, and watching him grind it in a machine that looked like it had been used on my great, great, great grandfather's farm...then stopping and the fruit vendor to buy two pounds of the cherries that are now in season,  after accusing her of the highest prices I'd ever heard of and settling on $1.50 a pound, and finally getting some steamed buns from the corner shop's bamboo steamers that fogged my glasses while I found my $1 to buy seven buns filled with mystery meat...

A good China morning, indeed.

Marveling

Just a quick note, will post more later...

He is faithful.  He covered us and made the way as we traveled into the past...the enormity of a connection that was made during the recent Spring Festival that led us to a village, and into a home to see a woman who says she is Potato's paternal Aunt...is NOTHING short of MIRACULOUS.  I will detail that in my next blog.  For those who read this and believe that God is not involved or interested in the details of our lives...you need to read this story.

We saw her.  We heard a story that fills in gaps of a story that was told to us nearly seven years ago now...and we sat in a room with three different people who at one point and time, claim to have shepherded our girl from one step until the next.  Mercifully, we did not see the potential biological parents...but avenues opened for more research, more people to search for, and hope for resolve through scientific testing.

Our eyes were opened again to His mercy, His grace, and the individual plan He has for each of us...it was overwhelming for me and so life-giving to my faith.

The sun was shining on us as we arrived in the village, and Potato and I spoke many times during the day about how God has had his hand on her life from the beginning...how he was with her when she was first born (part of her story we were told), along each step that led her home to us, and ultimately to yesterday when we returned to that village...He was PRESENT, it was undeniable.

Searching

I am posting this largely for posterity. 

I hope that some of you who might read it would join us today in prayer.  We will journey further into a search that I never quite gave life in my imaginings nine years ago when  we were completing our first adoption and just weeks away from laying hands on our treasured daughter, Potato, a grip that began then and holds fast to her today. 

Her adoption, her force, the sheer velocity at which we bound ourselves together revolutionized my thinking on love and family like nothing else in my life has ever done. 

Loving my husband's children upon our marriage was so easy...they were imminently loveable and it there was an open invitation to love them first through their Daddy's eyes...and then my own wellspring grew for them...it was so natural.   When our biological daughters were born, their lives placed in our hands, I discovered the joy of falling in love with someone who, though I birthed them and they shared my genetic material, were creations vastly unique and ...love was so natural.  When Potato's photo was on my computer screen for the first time, I have reported to hundreds, that she looked "familiar" and I knew in an instant that my life was now headed, no matter the cost or challenge of the course, to the moment when we would no longer be separated...and to my utter awe and amazement...the love I had for her....was so natural. 

But for Potato, her heart has always yearned to know.  She simply has to know where she came from, what her story is...and why.  I will never forget watching the tears slide down her face for the first time when she processed that she, and her brothers, shared the same trait...they were born of different mothers, who we most likely would never know.  If my chest would have been surgically opened at that moment,  exploded shards of my heart would have painfully littered the floor.

It became clear that in the Master's flawless design of our Potato, she believes there is an answer.  For every thing there is an answer, and if you do not know the answer yet, you simply have not yet asked the right question.  For five years or so now, she has been asking every question she could formulate...and I have weakly answered...'I don't know.'

When in SE Asia this year as the shroud of pain and questioning fell over her beloved features...as it has countless times in the past few years...I knew that as her mom...I MUST do everything I can to help her find the answers to her past, and I felt an urgency for the first time...that I must take action before the trail grows any older....so as to preserve my daughter's heart and her future.

A quick call to our Chinese family, purchased plane tickets, a request of Potato's foster family..."will you help us track back to the time before she came into your loving home?"

We have long since learned that everything presenting in her file as her story...is not her story.  This brought a great deal of comfort as we know MUCH about her life from one month of age until two years, four months, and 2 days later when our hands laid hold of her...

But what happened before....in the one month from birth until she came to her foster parent's home...that one month overshadows everything in Potato's life now...

The details of what we've learned thus far are her story, not mine to tell.  She is the owner, and I will not steal from her.  But I can share that in what must be an answer to my precious daughter's countless prayers...today we journey to her hometown...and we've been told there is a surprise waiting for us there.  Even talk that we might meet a couple who had a daughter at the right time...whom they have no more...who once gave her to a family because they couldn't raise her...

I woke up in the dark today, just Potato and I on this trip, Daddy and the others waiting prayerfully for news...and my heart was asking the Lord..."is today a good day?"  "Please, PROTECT her...don't let her hear anything that could be used for her destruction...PRESERVE HER!"  And this is what I found in the Word this morning...

Psalm 112:7-8 He is not afraid of bad news, his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord, His heart is steady, he will not be afraid.

118:6 - The Lord is on my side, I will not fear, what can man do to me?

118:24 - This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Today we step back into time.  We open a box, closed and covered more than eleven years and one month ago...we will peek in and see what we find.  Will we finally see their faces?  Will we be in the same room today with the ones who gave life to this precious treasure who has changed my life?

Of this I am sure...my heart is firm, my heart is steady...I will not be afraid...for this is the day that He has made, just for us...and I will rejoice and be glad in in...come what may.

Finish Line

He made it.

This morning we awoke a bit late...but motivated to peel that boy out of that STINKING cast!  It was so smelly, we felt we'd really encountered a sensory element of season of Christ's birth...the Yankee Candle company is not likely to produce the Nativity Scent (essence of ox, ass, and sheep.)  A new experience, indeed for this family, and a new appreciation for the humble birthplace of our Lord.

We uncovered some painful pressure sores on his lower back.  He also sloughed of an amazing amount of skin on his legs in his first two baths of the day.  He was fearful, as were we, as he sat up for the first time in six weeks.  His core is weak and unstable, but he gave us smiles here and there as he experienced some freedom.

I was very fearful as it appeared to me that his left hip (the one that has been twice operated upon) was not as good as his right hip.  We braced ourselves for the worst, and loaded him up to engage in the full-contact sport of getting in front of a doctor at the local hospital.

Our dear surgeon was so upbeat and gave The Charmer a high-five as we made it to the 15th floor.  He checked his hips first, and declared that the hips were STABLE.  (For those of you who have followed this journey, the last time we removed the a cast for his left hip, his hip came out of the socket nearly immediately upon the leg being lowered to a normal position.  It was entirely unstable.) 

The declaration of "they're stable" brought forth a torrent of tears from me...I was so surprised by the amount of emotion...but I realized how we've been holding our breath for months...actually years since we knew that his hips were in such bad shape and there would be no walking until they could be stabilized.  Then today, the revelation of a stable pelvis...and I felt remarkably unprepared for what it all means.

The surgeon sent us to x-ray which revealed that the left hip is not "as successful" as the right hip, but that the hips are healed and holding.  That the hips are "going to be just fine." The second update was about the femur bones.  Those bones take longer to heal than the hip sockets, but even the femurs are healing very well where a chunk of bone was excised from each thigh. 

Our only precaution today was that he cannot STAND on his legs for 2-3 more weeks.  He has to wait to STAND...

The discussion quickly turned from the hips and femurs to BRACES for his legs.  Where will we get them?  How will we pay for them?  How long will it take to get them made?  (Each part of this journey has been paid cash upfront.  This is due to the fact that as an adopted child, living abroad, the only insurance we can have for The Charmer is one that excludes his pre-existing conditions.  So anything related to Spina Bifida, scolisis, etc., is not covered by his insurance.  We have been ASTOUNDED by the provision that has come, literally having just enough cash on hand...down to the last $15...needed to pay for his recent surgery!)  So we need to find a skilled craftsman here in China to make the braces, inexpensively.  Or, we need to find a company in the States, or perhaps a charitable hospital, or even a company in another country that will help us make the essential braces that will enable The Charmer to stand and WALK.  Please be lifting up this next need as we wait the few weeks necessary to enable him to start standing.

Some are confused about whether or not he will be able to walk "normally."  Due to this damage to his spinal column from his condition at birth, he does not have sensation or control of his legs.  So, the braces would enable him to have a strong foundation on which to stand, and then he will use his hip muscles and core muscles of his abdomen to lift and move his legs forward.

He looked up at me today when the surgeon said, "he has to wait 2-3 weeks to begin standing"  and his face registered the awe at this new stage in his journey.  He asked me, "is he talking about ME, STANDING?" 

This boy has soldiered on through immense difficulties that I think perhaps would have broken me.  Months of bedrest, horrific traction, bone infection, massive doses of antibiotics, loss of any activity outside of his home...and he still has the courage to go on, dreaming his dream of walking.

I want to be more like him.

I want to be tough, and willing, and fearless.

He continues to show us the way.

3 Weeks Down

Time goes very slowly when you're lying on your back.

Three weeks post-operation...24/7 lying on his back...and most days, he still smiles at us!  Some days his frustration builds to the point that he makes irrational demands and accusations, "I want a doughnut! Give me a doughnut" (never mind we're in China, where donuts are not plentiful!)

"Get two police men over here, in hats!  I want to get out of this place!"

"I told you, that I am hungry!"

"Why are you soooo mean to me?"

We really try to be loving and patient.  The other kids are getting to exercise their tolerance and are learning to be understanding of another who is confined, in pain, and frustrated.  This, of course, is not a natural response from any of us.  Often we want to tell him what to do with his doughnut demands!  But, I think that compassion is growing in all of our hearts.

It is easy when we are able-bodied, and in control of where we go and when.  We simply have no sensitivity or understanding for the incredible frustration that comes with physical limitations.  Maybe we've tasted it for a season of life; illness, broken limb, or incarceration ;) , But as soon as we have our physical freedom and mobility again, the memory fades away.

Just last week I spent hours searching for information on how to use public transport in Thailand for those who use wheelchairs.  In the West, before I had a son that used a wheelchair, I honestly never gave such a thing a moment's consideration.  But now, I have to travel to Thailand as several kids passports and visas are expiring and we have to attend a conference there later in the month...so I will leave with the "affected passport" kids, and spend several days in the heart of their capital city, in a small guest house...trying to find ways to get The Charmer around with us.  Even taxis are not really an option, given our number and the wheelchair may or may not collapse enough to go into a trunk.    The number of skytrain (public transport system) stations that are NOT wheelchair accessible outnumber those that are, by 10 to 1.  Yet, without the Charmer in our lives, none of us would have ever thought of this when traveling to a new city, without the use of a private vehicle.  Just trying to get from the airport to the guest house...is like a massive jigsaw puzzle!

I know that compassion is such an admirable character trait.  I often ask for more compassion in my life, because naturally, I don't think I am very compassionate.  I suppose that walking this journey with The Charmer grows all of us, but perhaps me the most?  When I'm tired, cold, and just want a moment to myself...and then I hear demands to bring the police to the house, with hats, right now?!  Oh, how I wish I could say that I embrace those opportunities to grow in compassion.  It is rather more like chewing leather; a slow and distasteful task.

I remember a teaching, at sometime in my past, that we are like stones lying in a riverbed. Each soul closest to us, are like stones lying there together while the water washes over us.  However, we are not just gently touched by the water, but, in fact, we are forced to rub and jostle against those stones lying beside us.  At times, I have felt literally battered by all the little stones and their rough edges that lie about me.  Greater still, what friction have I caused in their lives with my roughness?  Yet the end result of lying in that stream bed together, grinding against each other, is that we become smooth.  The rough edges are worn away.

That is one great benefit of living with The Charmer during this difficult time.  My callousness is slowly growing smoother as self-centeredness gives way to compassion, as the river of our lives together flows by.

Home

The Charmer is resting in the living room of our home now, on a slanted bed, that inclines his head a bit.  He's very pleased to be home, as we all are, but he reminds us routinely that he doesn't like laying on his back 24/7.  We will likely make a paper chain for something that he can tear off one link a day to help him see the passing/progress of time over these next 5.5 weeks!

His incisions look very good, and he's eating and drinking well.  The x-ray post surgery, is sobering.  So much metal and such little bones!  The steel plates they affixed to his legs, the 11 pins and screws, make a very interesting photo!  And, I realized my error in the last post...that he has so many fancy  additions, that rivals Lee Majors...not Steve Majors! (Decidedly 1970's American reference to the "Six Million Dollar Man" TV Show!)

Our thoughts and prayers now focus on life regenerating in his hip sockets, complete healing and strength in his femurs that were completely cut through, shortened and re-attached, and continued protection from infection!  We must also now begin searching for braces for his hips and legs.  He has some fashioned braces for his knees, but we need a bracing system that would give him support from the hips to the knees so that he can learn to walk. :)

The weight of this surgery, the anticipation of it for so long, was a greater burden on our hearts and minds than I think we realized.  We're certainly not through the tough parts of the journey, but, we've taken one giant leap forward!!!

We are to move house next Friday. We could really use your prayers in this area as it is now very cold here on the Tibetan Plateau, it is risky to move The Charmer any distance, and we are running low on resources necessary to achieve it.

On our way to x-ray

Moving down the road, to get to the building with the x-ray machine

Still in good spirits...hoping to go home!

Day 2 - Post-Op

It was a long and hairy night in the recovery/observation room.

Sometime between two and five am, the catheter The Charmer was using, blocked.  As he was being pumped full of fluids, they started to leak around the catheter site and within a short period of time the entire bed, blanket, and his new cast was soaked with urine.  That was an unfortunate thing in itself, but the fact that I could not get the nurse to DO ANYTHING about it, made me nearly crazy.  I was told, over and over again, that I "must wait to talk to the doctor after nine am."  Then a second  nurse came on duty at seven am.  Same story, only this time, the situation had grown even worse and now The Charmer was really uncomfortable as the cast over his midsection was causing increasing pressure on his bladder that could not be adequately emptied.  His whole face started to look very puffy and superman did not feel so super anymore.  I thought I was going to hurt someone.

Amazingly, when our surgeon/teammate came at 8 am, I was fit to be tied and he remedied it, HIMSELF, in a matter of moments.  Then he and I carried The Charmer, cast and cape, "flying" through the hallway to our semi-private :)  room..semi-private is such a funny term here...all night last night people were opening our curtains, lifting the sheets to see The Charmer's battle scars...staring, prodding, poking...without any sense of intrusion.   However, the surgeon's getting involved personally and taking care of what should have been the nurses' duty,  caused a major face issue for the nurses, but it was expedient and effective.   I heard the retell of it several times in the hallway of the ward during the day! The result of this catheter mishap resulted in a major reworking of his cast and new bandages in every location we could reach.

He's got quite a bit of pain, especially around the incision spots.  He is up and down emotionally, and makes it clear to everyone that:  1) He hates needles.  2) He's got to "get out of here."  3)  Everyone needs to say sorry to him.

I am home now, Daddy is sitting bedside, and we're trying to attend to everyone's needs.  I will shower, clean up everyone here, and have some time with them...then I'll return to the hospital tonight about 10 and Daddy will come home as he must drive the kids to school in the morning and teach his first class at 8 am.  I don't teach until 1:30 in the afternoon...he'll return to the hospital to relieve me.  And so it goes...

The other big issue of the day was that The Bug, had some serious abdominal pain, focused in one area of her abdomen...that presented as a possible appendicitis.  I got the call at 10 am that Daddy and she were on her way to the hospital to be seen in emergency.  I needed to register her (a circus in itself), meet their car and take her to emergency and then to the different departments for necessary testing.  (Here, no matter how much pain you are in, the patient must walk/be carried from department to department of the hospital for testing.  Whether it be blood draws, x-ray, ultrasound, cat scan...everything is in its location...and the patient prepays the fee, then goes to the department in various different buildings/floors, on foot to have the tests run.  This was no easy task for a girl with a severe stomach pain.  We have seen many times, people taken outside on gurneys from building to building in the snow/rain/whatever, so that they can have their tests run.

The tests showed some problems with white cell count, some reasons for abdominal pain (not appendicitis, thank the Lord), and she has come home tonight to rest.  Please lift her up as she is still not feeling very well and wants her Momma who will be away again tonight.  For awhile today, I thought we might be on the surgical floor two times in two days with two different kids!

There will be more blood work tomorrow, and if there is no sign of infection, we may be sent home with superman to begin his six week total bed rest.  He must lie down all the time, no sitting up, but CAN have a pillow under his head.  I'm sure you can imagine how much fun this will be as we're also set to move house (to one with heat on the first floor!) in just nine days.  :)

More children entered our sphere today, more courageous parents who are fighting for their kids, fighting for those who have needs!  Ah, I feel so humbled to be among them!  These are real champions.  While I know from a Western perspective that seems dramatic, you might think "of course, you do anything for your child"...but here, due to the costs of health care payable up front, very few doctors who ever give a good prognosis for a child with needs as they are afraid of themselves being defamed if the child doesn't have a complete recovery, and the pressure in the society to have ONE perfect kid...these parents who we're mingling with now...they are my heroes.

I thought about the loneliness of a child without someone to fight for them.  Some of our own children were once those, without parents, without someone to take up their cause.  I felt quite alone for a bit while I waited for Daddy to come to join me in the surgical wait (yes, I should have savored time alone, but it felt very vulnerable, very out of control with our boy in the OR)  I wept and prayed and told God everything I was feeling...and then I remembered the army of family and friends carrying us before the Throne...and I was awash with comfort. 

I hope that it is that same feeling of comfort that the Charmer experiences when I wash him, wipe his brow, protect him and reassure him during the scary parts.  He's just a little boy on an enormous journey, he needs his Dad and Mom to do everything we can to help him now.  I am so glad we can be there for him.

We are too, little children, in our Father's eyes...those who need loving care to manage this journey.   While my parenting is flawed and painfully limited, His is perfect and unlimited...when all else fails, He remains.